


Sobering Thoughts

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 05:49:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14513880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: A depressed, tipsy Kathryn Janeway? Who could possibly have made her so miserable? Chakotay discovers he is the root cause of it all.Tweaked very slightly from the original posted on my website.Setting: post Endgame, mid-debriefings, canon friendly





	Sobering Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I realise that this is out of character for Kathryn. She would have to be a bit tipsy to behave like this, but I do think it is entirely possible for her to sink that low temporarily.

He was on a mission of mercy…here to try and save his best friend from herself. He rang the doorchime, but there was no answer, despite the fact that he was pretty damned sure she was in there. It was only 10.00 hours, and it was a Saturday. No debriefings for either of them today. Theirs were the only two still going on…everybody else was finished and free to leave whenever they felt so inclined. 

Chakotay sighed. The whole process was arduous, and both of them must be exhausted. He would be the first to admit that he had neglected his dear friend of late. He had been too busy pursuing his new relationship with Seven in what little free time he had. He had an idea that Kathryn wasn’t too thrilled about that. He felt faintly guilty that he had not noticed anything wrong. It had been B’Elanna who had urged him to see her and try to help. She’d seen her with a different man almost every night, drinking and partying and probably a lot more besides. There was no shortage of willing partners. She was still a very attractive woman, not to mention a famous one. Thankfully, the crew were still housed in secure Starfleet accommodation, otherwise the media would have picked up on it more than they had. But it was only a matter of time before they did. The Doctor advised them that strangely it could be a symptom of depression, and that struck a chord with Chakotay. Depression...brought about by the emotional upheaval of their sudden return, the loss of her ship and Voyager family, the stresses of the last seven years, readjustment to being home, the trauma of the debriefings….well, the list went on and on. Granted this was a very different Kathryn from the dark self-recriminating one he had dealt with in the void, but he had recognised the kernel of truth in the Doctor’s theory. 

Impatiently, he rang the chime again…louder and longer. He was sure she was there. It was a long time before she condescended to answer over the intercom. "Whoever it is, go away!" 

"It’s me…Chakotay. Kathryn, let me in please!" 

"It’s early. Go away!" 

"It’s 10.00 hours. Not early at all. Now let me in!" he said firmly. When there was still no response, he added, "Kathryn, I’ll stand here banging on the door as long as I have to." 

She didn’t answer, but the door lock released and cautiously he entered her rooms. She stood staring thunderously at him from the middle of the room. She wore a fluffy white robe and her legs were bare. Her hair was all mussed and a glass of champagne swung in her hand. She had clearly just fallen out of bed, and her eyes looked tired and sunken. Spirits, thought Chakotay. Things are bad. The room looked vaguely untidy, just a few clothes strewn about the place, but nothing too terrible. It was then that he realised some of the clothing was male. Faint sounds from the bedroom confirmed that she was not alone. A knot of irritation…or was it jealousy…caught in his belly. He tightened his lips in momentary disapproval, then chastised himself. She was a free woman. He had no right to judge whom she brought home with her. 

"Sorry," he apologised. "I didn’t know you had company." 

She sniffed. "What brings YOU here at this unearthly hour?" The words were a little too carefully pronounced. She was clearly well into the bottle of champagne. 

"It’s not that early. Champagne for breakfast?" 

"Yessss," she hissed. "Any objections?" 

"I guess not." Unless you’re still sloshed from the night before, he added mentally. "I think I’d better put on the coffee." 

"Oh, you’re staying?" she asked, seeming a little put out. 

"Yes. I want a good talk with you." He moved to the kitchen area, and found the pot and the coffee. A pouting Kathryn surveyed him for a while with mild hostility, until she resigned herself and stalked back to the bedroom. "Roger, the fun’s over. G..get yourself out of here!" 

He heard the man grumble. "The name’s Robert! You should take the trouble to get my name right." 

"Robert, whatever. Thanks for last night…." The voices died away, but Robert’s humour must have lifted, because he heard them both laughing. He stayed well clear, taking his time over the coffee, while Robert dressed and was bundled out the door. He did catch her dodging arrangements for a second date, and felt unsure whether to be worried or encouraged by this. 

The door slammed, and he at last felt it safe to return to the lounge. He brought two coffees with him. She was sitting on the sofa sipping at the champagne again, legs curled up under her. She was still wearing the robe, and he guessed she was wearing nothing underneath. He placed the mugs on the coffee table, and prised the champagne glass out of her fingers. 

"I think you’ve had quite enough of that." She looked at him darkly. 

"R’you criticising me?" 

"No, just concerned about you." 

"Thought you were too busy to care." 

He placed her glass on the table, and sat down opposite her. He propped his feet up on the table, and sank back into the chair. 

"I do care. I’ve always cared." She sat there sulkily, and made no attempt to lift the coffee. That in itself said a lot. "What’s going on, Kathryn?" 

"What d..d..d’you mean? What’s going on?" 

"Why are you keeping away from all your old friends?" 

"Actually, I thought it was you avoiding me," she answered with a hint of sarcasm. She had a point. 

"And all these men?" 

"That’s none of your damned business. You’ve no need to act like my F..First Officer any more!" 

"But I am your friend, and I’m worried about you." 

"Don’t be. I’m fine." 

"Are you?" Her eyes briefly met his, but she looked away quickly. She was far from alright. "It’s not like you…Kathryn," he continued gently. "A different man every night…" 

She snorted. She leaned forward slightly and the neck of the gown opened a little, revealing more of her creamy freckled skin beneath. Chakotay felt both terrified and thrilled all at once that the thing would fall right open. He swallowed, hardly able to tear his eyes away. "Been counting, have we?" 

"No. But other people have. You’re starting to make quite a spectacle of yourself." 

"So what, if I am? I sacrificed everything in the Delta Quadrant. Put my personal life on hold till we got home. It’s my turn to live a little." 

"No one’s denying that. But is this really what you want?" 

"Look, Mister," she said, jabbing her finger vaguely in his direction, "I went seven years without getting laid and I lost the love my life to another woman. Why the hell shouldn’t I make the most of the opportunities coming my way just now?" 

The shock showed on Chakotay's features and she sat back with a satisfied smirk on her face. She took a sip from the champagne glass, not the coffee, and Chakotay regretted not having put it out of her reach. She watched his face with growing amusement over the rim of the glass, as he struggled to conceal his disbelief. "That shocked you, didn’t it? You thought I’d had it away with Kashyk and Sullivan, huh? Well, it just goes to show, Chakotay, that you don’t know me as well as you thought you did." 

"It just goes to show that the way you’re behaving now is not the real you." 

"How can you presume to know the real me?" 

Chakotay sipped at his coffee for a while, before he answered, softening his tone, "Kathryn, I wouldn’t dare to presume very much where you are concerned. Are you still pining for Mark? I thought you’d gotten over him a long time ago. Or has getting home rubbed it in?" 

She rolled her eyes at him, as if he was stupid. 

"I have gotten over Mark. A long time ago." 

"Jaffen, then. What happened with him?" 

She smiled. He saw a few fond memories flit across her mind. "The Norvalian were an asexual race…I thought you knew that…" 

"No, I didn’t realise…I should have done, I know," he replied, feeling rather foolish. "So you really didn’t….?" 

"I really didn’t." 

"For seven years?" 

"Don’t rub it in. It’s no joking matter." 

"No, it isn’t. I’ve every sympathy." 

"Well, maybe you understand why I’m making up for lost time now." 

"Okay. But maybe you just need to be a little more selective. Get to know someone first." 

"Huh! Tried that one. Didn't work." 

"And a little more discrete. Do you want your reputation shot to pieces? The whole thing will be picked up by the media sooner or later." 

"See if I care." 

"And Starfleet will no doubt be less than impressed with your behaviour." 

"Well, Chakotay, they seem less than impressed with some of the decisions I made in the Delta Quadrant. Why should I worry about adding a few more indiscretions to my list of failings?" 

"That bad, huh?" 

"Yep." 

"They’re giving you a hard time?" 

"That’s putting it mildly." 

"I’m sure you’ve no need to worry. They were always bound to give us a grilling. But you’re their heroine right now. I’m sure you’re much more likely to get a promotion than a reprimand. If you don’t go antagonising them now, that is." 

"Well, pardon me for not caring right now. Please, Chakotay. I don’t want to talk about the debriefings. It’s my day off. I want to have some fun. Forget about it for a while." 

He nodded, surveying her sadly. Things were worse than he’d thought. 

"Have you seen your mom and your sister?" he asked, changing the subject. This at least brought a brief smile to her lips. 

"Yeah. They’re good. Visiting tomorrow." 

"Well…isn’t that something good about getting home?" 

"I guess. But I have to be all smiles for them. Pretend everything’s wonderful," she pouted. 

"And isn’t it?" 

"No. I’m alone. To all intents and purposes, I’m alone." 

"No, you’re not. You’ve still got all of us around you!" 

"It’s not enough." 

"Would you rather be back out there, fighting the Borg or the Hirogen?" 

"Maybe," she said, with half a smile. She slumped back in the chair, curling her legs out from underneath her and propping them on the coffee table, directly opposite his legs. Chakotay shifted uneasily. If she fidgeted too much, he would be treated to a rather excessive view of her spectacular legs. And boy, were they spectacular! He didn't think he could handle seeing any more of them, let alone the even deeper mysteries of Kathryn Janeway. 

"Kathryn….I think you’d better go and put some clothes on!" he said rather desperately. 

She looked up, caught the look of discomfort on his face and realised exactly where he had been looking. An evil grin spread on her face. 

"Like what you see, do you?" she shifted herself forward so that one foot could reach him. She hooked her toes under his trouser leg, and started trying to push it upwards. 

"Don’t!" he said, hastily withdrawing his feet to the safety of the ground. He hadn’t foreseen this turn of events. 

"Why not? There was a time when you fancied me! Wouldn’t you just love to find out what it’s like to fuck your Captain?" 

She shifted herself again, and, much to Chakotay’s horror, he found a foot sliding up his thigh making contact with his rapidly hardening shaft, which was resolutely defying his efforts to stay detached from the encounter. 

"Kathryn! No!" he shouted, angry now. He firmly grabbed her foot and held it away from his throbbing groin. "I prefer to sleep with a woman who’s sober. And I don't expect to take my turn with other men...in a bed still warm from the last occupant!" he growled. He shoved her foot away angrily. Kathryn stared at him for long moments, the horror spreading on her face. Then, before he even saw it coming, the contents of her champagne glass flew into his eyes. He was left looking foolish, with liquid trickling down his brow and dripping from his nose. He gasped in shock at her action, but as he calmed and began to process what he had said without thinking, he began to realise that he’d probably had it coming. 

"Sorry," he said eventually, wiping his face on his sleeve. "I didn’t mean that…I…" 

She had crawled back into the corner of her sofa, drawing her legs to her chest, hanging her head in misery. "Think yourself lucky it wasn’t the coffee mug," she snarled. 

He stood shakily and headed for the bathroom to clean himself up. He took his time, taking deep steadying breaths, allowing his body to calm. He took a long hard look at himself in the mirror. He hated himself for what he had just said to her. It was thoughtless and cruel. He’d come here to help, not to make matters worse. But she’d touched a raw nerve in him. She hadn’t the slightest idea how much he did desire her. But he would never settle for one-off gratuitous sex with her. He’d want all of her. And he'd want forever. 

He had never had anything like such a conversation with Kathryn before, never even imagined anything remotely like it. He had come totally unprepared for this. It was shattering his equilibrium. Had he ever realised before how much a strong Kathryn was essential to his own happiness? He hated seeing her like this. He knew she was more than a little intoxicated, but no so drunk that what she was saying made no sense. Should he leave now, or make a real effort to help her? The decision was easy. He cared too much about her to just quit now. Really, he should have been over here sooner, before things got this bad. 

Coming back into the lounge, he found her huddled in a miserable ball, tears rolling down her face. 

"Kathryn?" 

"I’m sorry you don’t find me attractive." 

"Kathryn, you are an incredibly attractive woman. I’ve always thought so." 

"But I don’t have blond hair and br…breasts the size of soccer balls….Too bad, eh?" she muttered wistfully. 

The implication of what she was saying began to hit him. Spirits, she was comparing herself to Seven and finding herself wanting. He went to kneel down on the floor just beside her, lowering his head close to hers. Tentatively, he placed an arm across her shoulder. 

"Let me tell you something. Those things can be…diverting to a man, it’s true. But it doesn’t bring him happiness. A man doesn’t need those things. Besides, we never would have made it home from the Delta Quadrant, if you’d looked like that. All those ugly aliens would have taken one look at you over the viewscreen and fallen about laughing." He sensed her ripple of mild amusement at this. 

"Great. So I’ve got the right equipment for commanding a starship, but not for getting the man I want." 

"Oh, you’ve got the right equipment to get the right man, I assure you. I’ve never noticed a lack of interest over the years. A woman with your charisma is as sexy as hell. Just be patient. Someone worthy will come along." 

"B…but not the one I want," she lamented. 

"You’ve been unlucky. But that can change. There’s no reason at all why you can’t be in a happy loving relationship again." She sniffed at this. "A man doesn’t need a woman to have…what was it…blond hair and breasts the size of soccer balls for a happy fulfilling relationship." 

"What does a man need then? Chakotay, what do you need?" 

He hesitated. This was rather awkward, given his recent courting of Seven. "I just need to love a woman, who loves me back," he whispered. 

"That simple, eh?" 

"Yes." 

"You’re a lucky man. You’ve got it all. I don’t suppose that I’ll ever be loved like that again…" 

"You will. Wait a minute…what do you mean, _I’m a lucky man_?" 

"You and Seven. You’ve got it all." 

"Well, it’s too soon to tell…" His heart skipped for a moment. The truth about what was going on here was just beginning to prick at the back of his mind. Kathryn thought he and Seven were much more into each other than they actually were. And she was utterly miserable about it. Spirits, if he was right, then he was the prime cause of all this. Was he the reason for all this agony? Had he misread the signals all these years? He had to know for sure, and his pulse began to race. 

He took a deep breath. "Kathryn? Earlier, when you said you’d lost the love of your life to another woman, you didn’t mean Mark, did you?" 

"No." 

"Nor Jaffen?" 

"No." A long silence followed, as he drew her closer and dropped his head onto the top of hers. He could feel her trembling. 

"Who did you mean?" For long moments, he listened to the silence punctuated by the sharpened sound of their breathing, unbelievably anxious that she would say the answer he hoped she would. 

A voice barely more than a whisper answered. "You." 

He let out a long sigh. Relief and joy washed through him. "Well, that’s good…" 

"How? How can that possibly be good?" 

"Because you haven’t lost the love of your life at all! He’s still here, and he still loves you." 

She shifted in his arms. "Do…do you mean it?" she asked with a sob. 

"Yes. I absolutely mean it." 

"But Seven….?" 

"Let me be honest here. Seven and I have had a few dates. We’ve slept together twice. It was utterly disappointing and neither of us are particularly keen to repeat the experience. I really don’t see it working. We're too different...in age, in experience, in desires...what we want out of life." Her head began to lift, eyes full of hopefulness. "Besides, the woman I really want...the only one I've ever wanted since the day I set eyes on her...is right here," he continued. Then, lifting his hands to cradle her head, he brought their lips together in a deliciously experimental kiss. 

As they parted, he held her face firmly, both hands still cupping her face, his thumbs stroking her tear-stained cheeks. Dropping his forehead back onto her crown, he took a another deep breath. "Kathryn, I want you to listen to what I’m about to say very carefully." 

"Okay." 

"This stops right here. Right now." He felt her shiver and a gasp of protest escape her lips. "No, listen, Kathryn! The next time you kiss me, I want it to be because you are ready to tell me you love me and are willing to make a lifetime commitment to me. I won’t settle for anything less, and I certainly won’t share you with anyone else. Do you understand me?" 

"Chakotay, I…" 

"Shhh. Hush, my love. Don’t say anything right now. I need you think this over. And Kathryn?" 

"Hmm?" 

"I need you to be completely sober at the time. Okay?" 

A few seconds ticked by before he felt her nod. "Okay." 

"Right. Now that’s settled, I need you to go and get dressed. And then maybe we can get passes, and go out somewhere for the afternoon. You owe me a sail on the real Lake George, don’t you?" 

Kathryn grinned, pulling out of his arms. The light was returning to her eyes. "I think that could be arranged." 

"Right. You get dressed, and I’ll make some fresh coffee." 

"Actually, I’ll take a shower, if you don’t mind." 

* * *

  


Three hours later, he was bracing himself against the wind, his hand firmly on the tiller obeying all captainly instructions from his skipper. The lake was every bit as beautiful as its holodeck predecessor, but, unlike their last visit, they’d had to wear wet-suits with life preservers. This water was very cold and couldn’t be deleted in an emergency. 

He watched Kathryn joyfully, as she leapt about the boat with amazing agility, adjusting the sails and the rigging. Her face was alight with happiness, the complete antithesis of her earlier demeanour, and his soul soared at the spectacle. 

Yes, the real lake was very beautiful compared to its holodeck incarnation, but the real air held more scent and the real wind more bite. And here newly exposed emotions weren’t going to be shoved back under the carpet, unacknowledged and unprocessed at the end of the voyage. This was the real deal…in every sense. 

Kathryn Janeway in a figure hugging wet-suit, wind whipping a few stray strands of hair about her face, was something to behold. Her curves were shown off rather beautifully. Damn, she was sexy. He was rather grateful she hadn’t been dressed like that on the previous occasion. He would never have been able to keep his hands off her. 

She wore no make up for once, and he loved the chance to admire the freckles she usually hid so carefully. He hadn’t seen them since New Earth, and it stirred a lot of fond memories. The whole spectacle was sending tingles through his groin, and he shifted uneasily. He hoped she didn’t notice the effect she was having on him. This was certainly not the place to be doing anything about it. Far too unstable. But there was no doubt in his mind that, when he finally made love to this passionate woman, it was going to be extraordinarily wonderful. It simply could not be anything less. 

Sometimes, she would catch him looking at her and the laughter would fill her eyes. He was enchanted all over again, wondering what on earth had possessed him to ever let go of his dream. He was so lucky that she had, albeit inadvertently, thrown him the corner of the net this morning, and he had had the good sense to recognise it and tug on it. Now, he was well on the way to reeling it in and landing the catch. 

He smiled to himself. Every second with this woman was so precious. 

It was difficult to talk, but a few moments were snatched when the wind died for a few minutes. They were both invigorated and hungry, and it was an easy decision to make plans to stroll along to the village and have a meal as soon as they landed the boat. 

And from there, an easy decision to resolve on staying the night at the Janeway family cabin which lay not far from the boathouse…Kathryn having already established that it was unoccupied. 

"And then I plan on kissing you," she stated in a matter of fact tone. 

"I was rather hoping you would," he responded with a grin. 

"But there are two bedrooms. I’ll understand if you don’t…" 

"I don’t think we’ll be needing both of them," he said simply. He reached forward and briefly entwined his fingers with hers. 

"Good." 

"In fact, I intend to do such amazing things to you in that bedroom, that I’ll put all those other men to shame!" 

Her eyes widened briefly. "Cocky son of a targ, aren’t you?" 

He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "No, confident son of a targ!" 

Just then the wind gusted up anew, and she jumped to adjust the sails till the yacht sighed in protest and then, unable to resist, began to slice once again through the dark restless water. Their eyes met again briefly, dancing with anticipation. Tonight they would finally haul in the net and harvest that prize. They both knew it. 

After a long exhilarating sail, they stowed the boat at the boathouse and changed back into their ordinary clothes. Kathryn was wearing a neat white blouse and soft blue skirt. He smiled at her, appreciating her wearing something that bit more feminine. He was dressed casually in dark pants and white shirt. 

They wandered hand in hand along the shoreline towards the village as the light began to fade. It took a good forty minutes, but it allowed them the opportunity to relax in each other’s company. They reminisced and laughed and fell occasionally into a companionable silence. Chakotay felt more at peace than he had in ages. 

They settled in an elegant little bistro, where the proprietors welcomed her as a long lost friend. She’d clearly been here many times before, and an incredible fuss was made of both of them. Unsurprisingly, they fell over themselves to produce the most amazing meal possible, and they were both grateful that they were hungry enough to do it justice. She had to fight them about the wine though. They seemed determined to produce their best bottles for them to enjoy, but Kathryn was equally determined to remain sober. 

There was a lot of interaction between Kathryn and the waiters, and Chakotay witnessed her flirtatious side surface. He felt a momentary pang of jealous irritation. Kathryn caught his look and frowned. She told him to loosen up. There was no point in his being annoyed every time she teased someone. That was in her nature. He was just going to have to get used to it and trust her. He relaxed. She was right. If you couldn't trust your best friend...a woman who had managed to stay celibate for seven years...then whom could you trust? 

In time they found their way back to the Janeway cabin. She keyed in the code and they stepped inside. She turned and accessed the console inside the door, powering up the building. As the lights came up, he saw he was in an open plan living area, furniture covered in shrouds. There was a high vaulted ceiling, and a staircase rising to a second floor balcony which covered maybe only a third of the downstairs. There were a couple of doors, leading presumably to the bedrooms. He stepped forward, and began to remove the covers from the furniture. Then he threw open some large doors at the back to admit some fresh air. The doors led out to some decking. 

Kathryn went upstairs, where he assumed she was preparing the bedroom. By the time she came back down again, he was out on the verandah admiring the view and sipping on a drink. There were huge shadowy trees nestling around them, and, although it was difficult to make out in the darkness, an amazing view of the lake below. The pale moon was just picking out the pattern of a dance on the water. Around the edge of the lake, you could just make out the lights from some other cabins and the distant settlement. There was no noise, save for the wind still rustling furiously amongst the leaves. 

He sensed her come up behind him and turned. 

"How do you like the view?" 

"I’m sure it’s lovely…when it’s not as dark." 

"Sunset’s beautiful here." 

"I’m sure it is." 

"Champagne?" she queried, nodding at a bottle sitting on a table. 

"Better than that. _Risan Mersilliot_. Replicated unfortunately. Wouldn’t you know, your chiller was empty? Would you like some?" he asked, pouring her a glass. He hadn’t wanted to offer her champagne. Too many reminders of the morning. 

"I thought you wanted me sober!" 

"Well, you are, aren’t you? And if you hurry up and get that kiss over and done with, you can drink whatever you like. And then," he added suggestively, handing her the glass and invading her personal space, "I can have my wicked way with you." 

"Ooh, is that a promise?" 

"Most definitely. To us," he said, clinking her glass. 

She smiled. "To us." 

They fell silent for a while, but Kathryn purposefully didn’t sip on her drink. 

"Chakotay?" she asked uncertainly. 

"Yes, my love?" 

"This is what you want, isn’t it? You’re not doing this out of some kind of…pity for me…" 

He deposited his glass and gathered her into his arms. "Kathryn, you’ve no idea," he crooned. "I’ve wanted this from the moment I first set eyes on you." He felt her shudder, as she sniffed back a relieved sob. Twisting, she put down her glass and turned back to face him. She lifted his left hand and raised it to her mouth, planting a kiss on the palm. He curled his fingers into her hair and moistened his lips in invitation. Slowly, she rose on her toes…she was barefoot now… and brought her lips in line with his. For long moments, their warm breath mingled between them, as their eyes darkened with hunger. But still he waited. This was her call. 

She edged forward...just an inch or so and the gap was closed, their lips finally melding. A moment’s gentle touch dissolved into a devouring hunger, and they tongued and tasted each other feverishly. 

They broke apart. 

"Chakotay, I want you to know I love you." 

"I know. I think I always knew. I just needed you to tell me. And Kathryn…" 

"Yes?" 

"In case I didn’t quite make myself clear earlier…I love you too." 

Lips met again, and this time hands joined in the frenzied exploration. By the time they next paused, his shirt and her blouse had both been well and truly dislodged. 

Kathryn stepped back, tugging gently on his hand. "I think we should take this upstairs." 

"Wait!" he objected. "There’s still one condition to satisfy…" 

"Oh?" 

"The bit about making a lifetime commitment." 

"That goes without saying. I wouldn’t have kissed you, if I hadn’t meant that as well." 

"Not good enough." 

"I promise to stay by your side for the rest of our natural lives?" 

"Prove it!" he taunted. 

"What do I have to do to prove it?" 

He paused for a few moments before answering. "Use your imagination. You’re a resourceful lady." 

Kathryn was quiet as she thought this through. There was only one more thing she could do. Is that what he really wanted? She stepped forward, a little unsure of herself, and took both his hands in her own. 

"Okay, let’s try this," she said, gazing earnestly into his eyes. "Chakotay, son of Kolopak, will you do this humble Starfleet Captain the honour of marrying her?" 

He laughed, kissing her firmly on the lips. "In an instant. And darling....the honour will be all mine." 

And he only broke off the next kiss in order to scoop her off her feet and carry her up the stairs. 

* * *

  


It must have been quite late by the time he stirred the next morning, for the room was already light. He turned sleepily, as the wonders of the previous night slammed into his consciousness. As he shifted onto his back, he became aware of two piercing blue eyes staring at him. 

A dreamy smile bloomed on his lips. He had never felt happier in his entire life. "Been awake long?" he asked the owner of the watchful eyes. 

"Just admiring the view." She dusted her hand across his naked hip, within a hair’s breadth of brushing his already stirring penis. "You’ve considerable assets, Commander. Most impressive!" 

He turned to face her. "And so have you, Captain. This," he said kissing one areola, "and this," he said kissing the other, unable to resist snaking out his tongue to swirl briefly around her delicately beautiful nipple, "are just perfect. Don’t you ever think otherwise! Soccer balls really don’t do it for me." She grinned, giving a little squirm of excitement. "And as for this," he said, dipping his finger in her moist welcoming centre and flicking one finger over the sensitive bud, "it was damned sensational. Wherever did you learn to do that?" he asked, as his memory relived the ferocity of her orgasm. The way her muscles had clenched around him at the height of her passion had caused him such exquisite torture that he had been quickly catapulted into sensory rapture. He had never experienced anything like it. 

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently. 

"You know fine well what I mean. That thing you did…the way you climaxed. I’ve never felt anyone…well…have such an intense…well…" 

A smile played on her lips. "Oh, that…" she said, dismissively. "I assure you, Chakotay, that was entirely natural. That was...all me." 

Chakotay exhaled happily. "Do you do that…every time?" 

"Nearly every time." 

"Great spirits," he commented, half to himself, "I’ve hit the jackpot!" 

She giggled. "I rather think I have too," she said, snuggling closer. 

"Best friend, soul-mate and incredible lover…all in one exciting package!" He closed his eyes contentedly, enjoying the drift of her hand over his body. What a difference twenty-four hours makes! Yesterday, at just about the same hour, he had uncovered a woman outwardly indulging herself, but inwardly very miserable. She acted like someone with very little to live for. And she could barely remember the name of the man she threw out of her bed that morning. The woman beside him now had laughter in her eyes. Her joyfulness ran deep…right to the core. She was focused and she knew exactly what she wanted. There was only one man’s name that would ever again escape her lips in the throes of passion for the rest of her life. His. He had not the slightest doubt of it, and the thought was filling him with a profound sense of happiness and good fortune. Thank the spirits she had let slip her feelings for him yesterday. 

"Kathryn?" 

"Mmm? 

"Why did you never tell me…how you felt…on Voyager, I mean?" he asked gently. 

"I couldn’t." 

"Couldn’t? I know protocol held you back in the beginning. But surely you would have put that aside as the years went by?" 

"Maybe. But, if I’d ever told you, you would never have let it rest. You would have pushed for a relationship. And you would have won in the end…and I’d have lost focus. I couldn’t be Captain and your lover. Do you think we could have sat next to each other every day on the Bridge, trying to ignore the intensity of what lies between us, and still have done our jobs effectively?" 

"Maybe not. But perhaps we’d have found some way to make it work." 

"I’d have lost all incentive to get home. I’d have wanted to settle down on some beautiful planet somewhere and knock out a few fat babies." 

He laughed. "Alright. You win. It was a good thing you never told me out there. But thank goodness you told me yesterday. We’d never have known what we were missing…speaking of which," he added, beginning to tantalize her again, one hand exploring a breast and a knee venturing between her legs, "I think it’s time for another investigation of the natural phenomenon otherwise known as the Janeway orgasm." 

"Mmm," she responded, "but …be careful!" She glanced anxiously at the chronometer. "Mom and Phoebe will be here in twenty minutes!" 

"Damn! I’d forgotten they were coming." Kathryn had rearranged their visit when they had decided to stay the night at the cabin. 

"And they know the entry codes!" she added breathlessly, already dissolving into the fog of sexual arousal. 

"Spirits. It would be something of a shock for them, if their first glimpse of your future husband was of his naked backside hammering into yours for all it’s worth…and you squealing like a piglet with your legs thrashing in the air…." 

"I don’t squeal like a piglet…" 

"Yes, you do! And very delightful it is too." 

"Hmpf. Well, they’re women of the world. They’d laugh it off in the end. My two nephews might not, though." 

"Twenty minutes, you say?" 

"Yes." 

"Bet I can make you come at least twice in twenty minutes!" he boasted, raising himself over her and launching a full scale assault on the senses of his beloved Commanding Officer. 

"Cocky son of a targ!" 

"Confident son of a targ!" 


End file.
